All in a Year’s Time

If you would have told me that my life would have looked like it does now this time last year, I probably wouldn’t have believed you.
In January, I decided that resolutions were stupid. Why do we need a new calendar year to decide that we could be something better than we were yesterday? Where is the grace in that? I understand needing a new start or a clean slate, but isn’t every single day a blank canvas? I decided that my “resolution” was going to be this: Don’t be stagnant and always be moving forward. If you aren’t intentionally increasing, you’re unintentionally decreasing. So instead of having a lofty goal that was never fully attainable, I adopted a way of life. And no matter how many times I fail, I remind myself of the grace that keeps me going. I can be better than I was yesterday.
March taught me sometimes life feels dark. And you have to fight to see the light. Circumstances aren’t always great. Sometimes people fail you. Everything around you may give way. But His love for me was constant. His light is always shining and His love always ready to take me in.
In June, I took a trip that changed my life. I think that sometimes you have to get on a plane and let another culture redefine your ideas and the things that you say you believe. I went to Costa Rica and learned more about God, other people, and myself. At the core, we all just want to be loved and accepted. We don’t need money, influence, or followers to make a difference. We just need to say “yes” and let God use us in whatever way He chooses.
July and August came, and I started claiming that I couldn’t hear God. I felt like He was distant. I was asking questions without getting answers. I was trying to find Him but didn’t see Him anywhere. I claimed He wasn’t moving. I felt forgotten. But then I learned that He had been there all along. He was holding me the whole time. Even when I can’t feel it, He is working on my behalf. The more I seek Him, the more I find Him. He wasn’t the one hiding, it was me.
September and October showed me that people come and go. Sometimes the going hurts a lot. But even when it hurts, every relationship and trial is purposed. And with that mindset, I can be grateful no matter the circumstances.
Looking back over the year, I’ve been broken but put back together. I’ve been molded and stretched, but it’s all to become something more beautiful. Light shines out of the cracks. I fully believe that our brokenness can be a testament to His grace when we are willing to surrender all that we are to all that He wants us to be. And with that hope, I can keep going no matter what life throws my way, because I have a God who has the final say.