The Mess

I try to act like everything is okay.

I want to be the girl who is there for everyone else, so it’s easier to act like I’m always happy and everything is great. For me, it’s easier and more comfortable to act like I am living in a wonderland than to let down the walls and show the chaos.  What if the ones that I thought cared about me ran away when they saw my mess? And as much as I hate to admit it, I sometimes try to put those walls up with God, too.  Oh how foolish I am to think that I could ever build walls high enough or strong enough to keep out a God who loves me radically.

Lately, He’s been showing me just how comfortable He is in the mess. My messy heart does not push God back, it draws Him nearer to me. Jesus came knowingly to a world that was chaotic, unlovely, and messy. He was fully aware of our condition, yet He chose to come anyways. It was not a blind date with a hurting world, but a rescue mission for those He loved.

He came because He knew about the mess we were in. He saw the condition of our hearts. He heard cries for a savior. He knew the need for a hero. He was born to a messy world in a filthy manger, and if that’s not love then I don’t know what is.

So here I am… Trying to approach God without walls. Trying to trust him with no borders. He has known my mess and loved me regardless, so why would I hide from the one that loves me most? I am choosing to believe that God will use vulnerability and craft it in to something beautiful. He is in the business of making beauty out of ashes, and I want to be refined.