For the City

You looked at me with your sad, yet hopeful eyes, and said “I remember you! You really did come back for us.” You broke my heart and gave me purpose with just a few words. For me, it started as a normal Saturday morning. It did for you too, but our ideas of normal are vastly different. To me, normal is a pretty house in the suburbs. It is coffee, more food than I know what to do with, and a room to call my own. For you, normal is waking up in a cubicle. It’s sharing everything you have with the other 99 people who live in the shelter too. It’s a lack of consistency and having seen more pain in your 9 years than I’ve seen in my 17. 
We were there for the street ministry, so I had to leave you, but my mind wandered back to you all day. As we walked the streets of Atlanta, I wondered what would have happened if you wouldn’t have been rescued. I wanted them to know that there was something better than what they were living in, too. There is hope amidst the hopelessness and light in the darkness. It’s not too late. 
As we prayed with people in the neighborhoods of the city, they shared their brokenness with us. They were vulnerable and real. It’s amazing what happens when the filters are stripped away and followers or likes aren’t occupying our thoughts. We break down the walls and relate to each other in a way we never thought possible. 
“Pray for my addiction.” 

“I just want to know that my kids are okay.”

“I want my wife to make it through the winter.”

“Ask God to show me that He’s real.” 

“I need a job. And better health. And for some way to pay the bills.”

“Cancer is taking over my body and I’m fighting but nothing can stop it.” 
These were the prayers we prayed. Vulnerable, honest, and often heartbreaking. But I’ve found that the bold prayers are the best. When we go to God totally lost and ready to surrender all that we are for all that He is, a kind of miracle happens.
So tonight, as I lay here, I think of you and I think of them. But above all, I think of what brings us together. We are all broken. We are all messy and we are all trying. And at the end of the day, we all have hope that carries us tomorrow. Who we were today is not who we have to be tomorrow. The story is not over yet, and maybe it’s just beginning. 

From Finding Yourself to Becoming Yourself

Finding yourself is the time of searching. It’s knowing that you have dreams, passions, fears, and purpose, but still being unsure of what that means for you. It’s trying new things. Talking to people who are different than you. Finding someone to look up to. It’s being that person for someone else. It is figuring out what it is that makes your heart burn. It’s deciding if you want to be comfortable, or if you long for adventure instead. You can let it be a time of loneliness, when you don’t quite feel like you belong anywhere. Or, it can be a time of building community, where a group of people acknowledges that we don’t know where life will take us, but we all want to do the best that we can, and devote everything inside of us to leaving this world better than we found it. I hope we become fluent in choosing the second. 
When you become yourself, you step into what ever it is that you found. I think that becoming yourself is a time of devotion. After finding the things that make you feel alive, becoming yourself is the act of devoting everything that you are to those causes. 
Finding yourself is collecting pieces of a puzzle, and becoming yourself is sitting down long enough fit the pieces of the puzzle together and make something beautiful. 

All in a Year’s Time

If you would have told me that my life would have looked like it does now this time last year, I probably wouldn’t have believed you.
In January, I decided that resolutions were stupid. Why do we need a new calendar year to decide that we could be something better than we were yesterday? Where is the grace in that? I understand needing a new start or a clean slate, but isn’t every single day a blank canvas? I decided that my “resolution” was going to be this: Don’t be stagnant and always be moving forward. If you aren’t intentionally increasing, you’re unintentionally decreasing. So instead of having a lofty goal that was never fully attainable, I adopted a way of life. And no matter how many times I fail, I remind myself of the grace that keeps me going. I can be better than I was yesterday.
March taught me sometimes life feels dark. And you have to fight to see the light. Circumstances aren’t always great. Sometimes people fail you. Everything around you may give way. But His love for me was constant. His light is always shining and His love always ready to take me in.
In June, I took a trip that changed my life. I think that sometimes you have to get on a plane and let another culture redefine your ideas and the things that you say you believe. I went to Costa Rica and learned more about God, other people, and myself. At the core, we all just want to be loved and accepted. We don’t need money, influence, or followers to make a difference. We just need to say “yes” and let God use us in whatever way He chooses.
July and August came, and I started claiming that I couldn’t hear God. I felt like He was distant. I was asking questions without getting answers. I was trying to find Him but didn’t see Him anywhere. I claimed He wasn’t moving. I felt forgotten. But then I learned that He had been there all along. He was holding me the whole time. Even when I can’t feel it, He is working on my behalf. The more I seek Him, the more I find Him. He wasn’t the one hiding, it was me.
September and October showed me that people come and go. Sometimes the going hurts a lot. But even when it hurts, every relationship and trial is purposed. And with that mindset, I can be grateful no matter the circumstances.
Looking back over the year, I’ve been broken but put back together. I’ve been molded and stretched, but it’s all to become something more beautiful. Light shines out of the cracks. I fully believe that our brokenness can be a testament to His grace when we are willing to surrender all that we are to all that He wants us to be. And with that hope, I can keep going no matter what life throws my way, because I have a God who has the final say.

Seasons

I’ve always been that girl who gets a little too excited with the coming of each new season. My excitement used to come from the little things like leaves changing or flowers blooming. But as time goes on, seasons have started to mean something different to me. Seasons are something metaphorical now, that serve as a reminder of undeniable hope. 
Like seasons on a calendar, we too have seasons in our lives. Some are filled with heartbreak. We’ll feel like happiness is something unattainable and we’ll never be more than barely okay. Some seasons of life are prosperous, and we’ll flourish where we are rooted. Sometimes there are droughts and sometimes the rain is plentiful. At times, we’ll feel cold and alone, and then there will be seasons where community runs deep and we are surrounded by our cheerleaders. Some seasons will stick around longer than we’d like, and their effects will show up even as time moves on. At times we’ll wish that some seasons could have lasted longer than they did. 
But no matter how much praying or begging we do, seasons will come and go. Through watching the cycle of a calendar year, we notice the cycle of our lives, too. There will undoubtedly be hard times, but we can rest knowing that the good times will come again. Seasons don’t last forever. They grow us, they change us, and then come again to teach us something new.