Missing

My life used to be a system revolving around a fear that ran deeply in my heart. I was motivated by the fear of missing it.

I still don’t know exactly what it is, but I know one thing… I’m not afraid of it any longer.

I was consumed with the fear of missing out on life. I was afraid that I would give the beauty of today in exchange for the hopes of tomorrow. I was the kind of girl who would rather analyze my dreams than stare my present circumstances in the eyes.

I used to wonder how this could matter. How could my day-to-day life make an impact? How could it change the things? Was I in the right place? As a girl who was born with the desire to do big things, these questions have played on repeat in my mind for the majority of my existence.

Now I know, this right here is going to be a foundation. This is it. The future may be beautiful, but so is the present. I don’t want to waste everything that’s in front of me because I can’t find enough time to slow down.

If I never stop long enough to look up at the beauty in the life around me, I won’t realize what I have until it’s something of the past. 

Now , I am searching. I am watching. I am learning. Life is like a book, with different chapters, yet not one is better than the others. Some chapters are hard. Some hurt. Some are dark. Some are hopeful. Some are easy. Some are beautiful. 

My life is not one chapter, but many. I am learning to embrace the process, as He is transforming me from a girl who lived only in the future, to a girl who loves and lives it all.