Burning Heart

In a world satisfied with mediocrity,

I want to be different 

I want to stand out

I want to be the change. 

Why do we settle?

Once, we all had dreams. 

Most of them have been tossed to the wind

Forgotten, belittled, stolen.

I want to be different. 

My heart burns with a flame.

It grows. It consumes me. 

What started as a spark is now a merciless fire.

We are taught to dream big, 

but we are criticized until our dreams are nothing. 

We settle for desk jobs. 

We grow roots in a city that we never loved. 

I want to be different. 

I need suitcases and passports, 

Plane tickets and full tanks of gas. 

I was born a wanderer, and I can not be still. 

My mind is moving. 

It is growing, dancing, and thinking 

of places I have yet to go,

and things I have yet to do.

I don’t want to simply live. 

I want to be completely alive. 

My gypsy soul will take me places 

and my heart will lead me home.

I will love unconditionally. 

I will be constant and true. 

I will be a light. 

I will be different.

Chances

You get one chance. 

No more and no less. 

So why do we live life like we are just warming up? Why do we so often speak in future tense? Why do we rely on tomorrow, next month, and next year? 

We have right now, and that’s all we can be sure of. I know it may sound morbid, but life is essentially a countdown and time is running out. I’m not going to let all that I have right now slip out of my grasp because I was looking too far forward and never down at what was right in front of me. 

I want to live my life well, and I want to fully love every minute of it. I want to realize what I have in front of me before it is gone. If this is all temporary, I want to be aware of each moment. 

I want to say thank you and mean it. Thank you for the stars that remind me of how small I am. Thank you for the beautiful days- and the rainy days  too. I’ve learned some of the best lessons come when the skies are grey. Sometimes you learn to find light even when it’s not easy to come by. Thank you for the dreamers who always want more. Thank you for the chance to be messy, and learning what it looks like to put things in order again. Thank you for the handwritten letters reminding me to shine even when it isn’t the easy thing to do. Thank you for staying. Thank you for believing. And above all, thank you for this. Maybe this moment right in front of me is the one that could make a difference- whether it’s now or somewhere down the road. I won’t waste it any longer.

  

Constant

I think everyone here is just searching for something. We are all trying to find something that will last.

Some of us have found it. We have seen unconditional love, and once we have experienced that, we long for everyone around us to rest in it too. 

Life is not that easy though. To the ones who have never seen anything in life remain the same, the idea of an unconditional, relentless love might as well be foreign. 

I think that’s the disconnect. While some of us are speaking fluently in the rhythms of grace and running to the arms of love, the idea of steadfast love is a foreign language to others. 

I don’t fully understand how to change that. I wish I had the answers, but I don’t. I’m lost and confused, but I do know this: actions will always speak louder than words. 

My friends will not understand unconditional love because of something I write. It won’t make sense because of the words I say. 

The searching ones will find unconditional love through the way we act. Consistency must be demonstrated for our love to stand out. Let us love loudly. Let us love in such a way that the people around us are confused by the depths of our love. Let our love be the flame that sparks the hard conversations and brings a new light to all the ways that we should show up for one another. 

A lot of people won’t understand it. Love them anyways, but never give them authority over you. Be the one that listens, but don’t believe the lies that are thrown at you. Don’t let them stick to you and weigh you down. The lies originate from hurt that can only be healed with love. 

We are called to love the toxic people, but that doesn’t mean that we give them any power to define us. 

Find the people who encourage you consistently and strive to love others well. Surround yourself with them. They will make you strong, and that will make a world of difference. 



You Don’t Have to Believe Lies

I’ve decided that lies are experts in showing up undercover.

They come to us sugar coated. They come to us in the pockets of messengers we once believed would always have our backs.

They come to us disguised as truth so that they can come rushing in like tidal waves running rampant through our fragile minds.

Please stand on guard. Your mind is a precious gift, please protect it.

Nobody told you that the lies were yours to believe. They come to steal our joy, kill our ambitions, and destroy our futures which shine so brightly. You don’t have to buy into all that.

The lies are big.
The lies are bold.
The lies often feel like truth.

However, the lies don’t have any power over your sweet soul unless you give it that permission.

Defend your mind and learn to believe the truth. It wins every time.

Victory

We all desire the same thing: we want victory.

To be victorious is to defeat an enemy or opponent in a battle, game, or competition. We all have different enemies, so to each of us, victory looks different. She changes, she morphs, and she gets personal.

Since victory gets personal with all of us, she doesn’t pick favorites. She is different, but she is good. At the end of the day, she is equal to us all. If you are able to overcome your oppositions, that is a win. Stop comparing yourself with the world around you, because comparison is the thief of all joy. Stare your victory in the face and be thankful for all that you have overcome to get there. It was your battle, and you won.

For the dreamer, victory may look like chasing your dreams with every ounce of your being, even when the world tells you not to.

For the person riddled with anxiety and depression, victory may look like getting out of bed. It may look like putting two feet on the ground and choosing to believe that you are here to serve a purpose. It is living with the knowledge that you are more than the things you feel.

For the one who has had their heart broken, victory might be letting down your walls and allowing yourself to be loved again. It is giving away pieces of your heart that were so recently pieced back together. I hope you realize that it is okay to let yourself become whole again one day.

For everyone, this looks different. Victory is having the hard conversations. It is going to the barren places that we don’t want to go to. It is having the courage to speak to the person who is now spoken of in only past-tense. It is doing the uncomfortable things with faith that we will get it one day.

And, when we think that we’ve failed, victory is the quiet whisper saying, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

Victory comes in many different forms, but at the end of the day she is always sweet.

Made to be a Light

As we stood in the midst of a crowded room, it felt as if the world around us was nonexistent. She looked at me with a sincerity in her eyes, a look that only appears when something inarguably true is about to be said.

“You my dear, you were made to be a light. This world is so dark. It is falling apart at the seams. But you are here to change that. Promise me you will?”

I made the promise, not fully understanding my commitment. I said that I would be a light, but what would that look like in day to day life? I am so small and this world is so big. How could I be adequate for something like that?

Then it all made sense. It’s not about me. It never was. It’s about Jesus and what He has done. He wants me to be a light that reflects His glory.

If we believe that God is who He says He is, why would we ever stop living a life that reflects that? Being a light in this dark place isn’t something that I do. It’s something that Christ does through me.

I am breathing out “I can’t,” and breathing in “God can.” Now, finally, I am learning to be a light.

The Boy With the Brown Eyes

To the girl who gets to love him next,

He loves teaching people things. I’m begging you to pay attention. Give him the time he so rightly deserves. Whether he’s showing you how to clean a sand dollar that he helped you find, how to slide across the sand on your skim boards, or how to tell birds apart by the songs they sing, listen to him. Learn from him. It’s what he lives for.

He is so smart. It still blows my mind to think about all of the things that he’s taught himself to do. Let that boy explore. Let him grow. His mind will never stop expanding, so don’t try to give his knowledge boundaries. He’ll most likely be smarter than you anyways, so you might as well just learn to accept it. You’ll end up loving it.

He deserves to be heard. Listen to him. I’ll never forget the night when we sat under the stars with only the sound of the waves and our voices. His knowledge and wisdom far surpass his years in ways you wouldn’t imagine. He knows how to let his walls down, and that’s something I’ll always admire. God knows I need more practice with that. He speaks in a way that is both raw and beautiful, and I’d give anything to sit with him and listen to his voice on that soft white sand again.

He is going to write songs for you and about you. Half the time, they’ll make no sense whatsoever. Listen to them and laugh at them anyways. It’s so good for his soul.

He is a dreamer. That boy has no limits. That’s one thing he gave to me that even time and all of her fierce power can never take away from me. Watch the way he dreams and practice dreaming together. He’ll tell you that not even the sky can limit you, and for once you’ll believe someone with your whole heart. Hold on to that feeling, and remember it on the nights that feel cold and hopeless.

The last thing you need to know is that the boy with the brown eyes is a gypsy soul. That boy was born to wander. As much as you’ll want to believe that he is yours to keep, the plain truth is that he has never belonged to anyone other than God himself. You can always remember the boy who made you feel invincible, but you can’t keep him by your side forever..at least I couldn’t. He was born for so much more than this town had to offer, and the best thing for the both of us was to let him fly.

The Art of Letting Go

Sometimes, a few words come over you to rattle your existence. Crashing like waves over the shore of my heart. Lately, those two words have been LET GO. These are words which are both uncomfortable and liberating at the same time. Letting go is a form of surrender, both beautiful and painful at the same time.

I think that letting go is essentially a trust fall. Whether it’s letting go of people, control, places, things, or who we used to be, it requires a leap of faith. Bare boned trust.

Much like a trust fall, letting go has different stages. To start, we must loosen our grip. Let it fall like the leaves when they finally release themselves from the trees in late November. It will feel so wrong at first. You are going to second guess yourself and regret decisions that you have made. However, it is the continuation of our faith that will bring the real reward.

The more we let go, the more we will see that God has been standing behind us the whole time, waiting for the moment when we finally release our grip on control and tighten our bond with him. As we let go of our little worlds, we fall in to Him more…and isn’t that what mattered all along?

God never intended for us to have the power. That is nowhere in His agenda, yet it is a lie we so often believe.

It is in the moments of humility that we step back and see that it was never us all along. Some things come into our lives to take up a permanent place. But sometimes, we get things that fade out with the seasons, and that is okay too.

I am still learning, but I know things now that I didn’t before. I am starting to see the bigger picture. As I zoom out and refocus my vision, everything in life gains a new purpose. As God is painting me a new picture of Himself and His glory, I catch a glimpse of His love and it is easier to believe.

The God who has written my story is full of grace and love, and I can rest assured that the things I am called to let go of are not good for me. They are not His best for my life. He will use my obedience to lead me to greater things.

Lessons

Lately, I’ve been seeing that the people I have in my life are there for a reason. Sometimes, we are called to stop thinking only about the future, and slow down long enough to look around us. Learn from the present. There is so much beauty to be unwrapped now, and I’m afraid of missing it. I don’t want to be so caught up in planning my life that I forget to live it too.

As I sat down with one of my biggest role models, and now a sweet friend, we talked about life. We figured some things out. We don’t have all the answers, but as time goes on, I’m learning that we aren’t supposed have it all figured out. However, that night, some things were said that have been playing in my mind on repeat, and I don’t want to forget them.

1) “People aren’t things, and we can’t keep them.” They just aren’t. Too often, I think, “That is my person. These are my people.” But life doesn’t work that way. As much as I may hate it, people are going to move on, grow, and do new things. Even when it hurts, we must let them go. Let them run. They were never ours to keep.

2) Not everybody wants to do big things. The things that rattle my bones and burn in my heart may not have those effects on the people around me. That’s so okay. They don’t have to understand. But never, ever, ever give them the freedom to tell you that your dreams are too big. Too far fetched. Too optimistic. Don’t give people that power over you.

3) You can’t make yourself love somebody. If you don’t love them, don’t stay in that relationship. It wastes your time and theirs. It is loving them better to let them go if your heart is not in it too. That’s okay. You are not any less of a person. When you’re young, you love and you learn. Learning is half the battle. Have that courage.

4) We don’t need to have the end of our stories written. We are called to walk in faith one step at a time. God knows the whole story. I don’t. He is God. I’m not. His story for my life is infinitely better than anything I could write. When we are able to stop thinking so much and let go of control, freedom will resound.

5) “You can’t be everything to everybody.” It’s the truth. Living a life trying to be all the things is exhausting, and it just does not work. If we switch our focus from being everything to everyone, to being something to a few, so many blessings will come as a result. It’s a hard truth to live, especially for the ones of us who long to be seen and known, but it is necessary to remember and live. “You can’t be all the things.”

6) We weren’t meant to live in comfort. We are satisfied all too easily. There is such a big world out there, and so many lives are awaiting light and life. It is so easy to wait for God in the comfort of the best and just get enough to sustain us for a day. What a waste. Our mindset should shift from only wanting enough to always wanting more. We should want to dig deeper. We need to take the faith leaps in order to see the ways that God will provide somewhere between the nest and the ground. He wants us to fly with Him.

*Inspired by Hannah Brencher… Go check her out because she is full of truth and life. Her heart for God and people is unreal.*

Beautifully Broken

Lately, I’ve had a nagging feeling that lingers in my heart. One request, but it has the power to change everything. Four short words that I have finally started meaning.

Wreck me for you.

That has been the cry of my heart and the meaning of my existence lately. It’s so hard to pray, yet so rewarding at the same time.

I don’t claim to know much, but I do know that wrecks are messy. But, my God is one who thrives in chaos and showcases himself in the mess. In my messy life, He can display His glory, and that’s all I want. I want Him to be made famous. So maybe that’s what this life is about… Being beautifully broken. I’ve learned that when I can muster up enough courage to let Him shatter the pieces of who I thought I was, He puts together a masterpiece more beautiful than anything I could ever dream about. The same God who handcrafted the stars and causes them to shine each night is the same God who holds my heart.

If the ultimate creator wants to make something beautiful out of this beating heart, who am I to stop Him? I’m all in for whatever He has.